Progress... and the emotional urges of a bride to be.

Okay so there's progress.
The good news is, most of the "big things" are set. DJ, photographer, invitations, dress, centerpieces, reception... all taken care of. I still need to ask a few more of my bridesmaids over Christmas break, pick out the bridal party attire with my MOH, and book a florist. Everything is going smoothly, considering we still have 8 more months to plan and square away the details.
There have been a few minor set backs though, as would be expected. For example, we originally planned on having 150 guests, then we began thinking we could cut it down to 110, but it's been very, very difficult pinning down the exact number. The problem is, with 150 or less, they rent half the ballroom, unless you want to pay $3,000 more for the entire ballroom. So, it definitely has to be 150 people or less, because that is all we can afford. I learned last night that the ceremony location in the Crowne Plaza (we figured having ceremony and reception on site would make it easy for out of town guests, no one gets lost, everything is simple and stress-free) holds only 120 people. If we have the 110 people, yes that would work, but what if more family come than we expected and 150 are in attendance? No way could I have 30 guests wait outside. Can you imagine?!
There's some working out to do. I only say all this so that if you too are a bride in planning, at times pulling your hair out, you may find comfort in my own personal stresses. I have to say though, overall, I really can't complain. My mother is such an artist and could make a shack stunning. Although, this isn't really relevant since the Crowne Plaza is stunning. But with the half ballroom business, having a divider up REALLY bothers me. One, I don't want a wedding in the other half of the ballroom. No. No. No. Two, TACKY TACKY TACKY. One of my prerequisites in looking at reception venues was no curtains. I hate seeing those stupid curtains lining the walls in photos. I cringe. Curtains on windows are fine, not on walls or not as dividers. What's worse than curtains? Dividers. Now I am wishing for curtains to save me from those ungodly dividers! Like I said, my mother is an artist and is so talented at decorating and making anything beautiful, but unless she has some gigantic mural to cover this divider, I feel doomed. And, I know the ballroom will be little now with a little bitty dance floor. Every other venue, Raddisson in Nashua, even the Purtian restaurant in Manchester, all have bigger ballrooms and dance floors compared to this half ballroom... which is funny, because it's the exact opposite as I thought. I thought we chose the venue with the biggest ballroom. It holds 300! But with the half ballroom, it now becomes the smallest. I hope my mind is just playing tricks on me and I am remembering this half ballroom in a skewed, unrational way.
The silly thing is, when a small set back or suprise comes along, like the ones mentioned above, tears always well up in my eyes and I literally have to fight them back! I begin to slip over the edge and have to fight back a hysterical sobbing. I know, ridiculous. I can't help it! I just smile and be grateful, because there is much MUCH to be grateful for, but still, I can't resist this urge to cry. I feel so silly. Like when Corey and I first got engaged, we dreamed of marrying at the Wentworth by the Sea Hotel or the Omni Mount Washington or the Mountain View Grand. When I learned we couldn't afford it, I felt my dreams being crushed into ashes and I just cried! More than once! I don't beg or try to make any one feel bad, but I just feel this squashing of the heart. I am such a diva, I can't stand it. I should just be grateful. And stop crying. Why must I cry?! I am not crying over anything now, but last night, picturing that half ballroom, oh man. I am such a baby. Goodbye.